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She was my closest ‘mum friend,’ and the first person I turned to when things went haywire. She was always kind, always willing to help me and, because we both went through a divorce around the same time, we had a lot to say to each other – particularly when it came to talking about our ex-husbands.

Few topics were off limits, from our sex lives to everything that revolved around the complexities of a family breakup.

“That can be helpful in understanding your friend.”Sharma says there’s an implied social contract between you and your friends that involves being open and honest.“If you happen to be attracted to a friend’s ex, it warrants common sense and social sensitivity.

Have a conversation with your friend first, so they’re not taken by surprise.”But the reality is, your friend may strongly oppose the possible union and you’ll have to choose between them.“If your friend isn’t OK with it, they’ll cycle through feelings of yearning, resentment toward you and their ex, and jealousy,” Heide says.

You should be able to say to your friend, ‘I ran into him [or her] and we’re going to go out for drinks.’ No one should be falling in love in a couple of months,” Heide says.“But if they were together for more than a year, that means there were real emotions involved and dreams for the future.”Sharma frames this in the context of grieving.“There is scientific research about how long it takes to grieve the loss of someone.

In the case of a marriage that was valued and ended, it can take up to two years to grieve that loss,” she says.

Otherwise, she’s always going to wonder if you’re secretly trying to steal her boyfriends. If you love your best friend far more than her ex, do the right thing and find another guy. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and hopes to have her first novel out soon. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style.“That’s silly because it implies that you own someone. “Any person who subscribes to a ‘code’ that says an ex is off-limits has control issues.”You may feel tempted to talk to your friend about potentially dating their ex and phrasing it in a way that implies you’re asking for their permission, but that’s not the right tactic, Sharma says.“Once you ask for permission, you’re giving up control and buying into the whole ‘code’ idea,” she says.“Everyone is free to date whomever they want and under any circumstance.

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In the aftermath of my divorce, I’d spend at least two hours a weekend with my friend Amber.

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